LIFEBUSHIDO

How often do you take the time to focus on what you’re thankful for? Daily? Weekly? Ever? Many of us spend so much time and energy focusing on what we don’t have and how to get it, instead of taking time to appreciate what we already have - often missing the blessing altogether.

There is nothing wrong with being driven to achieve - that is what likely makes you successful at what you do. Striving toward goals is what allows you to learn more and make progress. However, there is a balance to be struck between looking ahead and enjoying the present - both are critically important to success and happiness. When one becomes more important than the other, you will be out of balance and less happy, in general.

Take a gratitude pause today - spend five minutes making a list of the top 10 things in your life right now for which you’re grateful. Try to write down things that you are thankful for right now (not something from the past, or a future hope). Make it a habit to write your top 10 list at least once a week. In the beginning, it might be hard to come up with 10 items, but push yourself. In time, you’ll find that as you’re more focused on gratitude, your list will grow. As you get more accustomed to this habit, aim to spend five minutes every day focused on gratitude.

Don’t allow the stress of daily life or the struggle of a current crisis to rob you of the joy you already possess. Regardless of any trial you might be facing in the present, if you are committed to looking for the positive in your life, you will find it. Doing so makes the difference between just surviving and thriving.

So, what are you grateful for today?

In this last installment of our Secrets of Success Series, we’ll focus on the last secret, Give More. It has often been said that there are two types of people in this world, the givers and the takers. While we all have to take at times, so that the well doesn’t run dry, we all have to give back, too. Some people are better and more intentional at this than others, but those who are happiest make giving more a priority.

Being from Colorado, where camping and hiking are favorite activities, the mantra “pack out what you pack in” is a familiar one. In other words, leave the land as you found it. The really good park rangers and teachers would go a step further and say, “leave everything better than you found it.” This is a valuable life lesson, and if practiced regularly, one that will undoubtedly grow joy and fulfillment in life.

Often, when people hear advice about giving more, they think about monetary gifts - tithing at church, charitable donations, giving money to the poor or underprivileged. These are all very helpful and necessary practices, but there are so many other ways to give. All that we have is a gift and can be given away. Money and material belongings can be a huge help to others, but so can time, skills, and simple attention to people around you.

Make the effort to spend a little more time talking with your neighbor when you’re both outside, or strike up a conversation with the elderly person sitting all alone at the table next to you at the coffee shop. Get involved in a program focused on mentoring young people who need positive role models, or volunteer to help at a local soup kitchen. Pick up that abandoned water bottle on the grass at the park and put it in the recycling bin, or take the extra time to leave a positive comment for the helpful cashier who was friendly at the store. The possibilities are endless, and many things won’t cost you a dime, but will pay you back dividends.

Imagine a world where more people (even all people!) gave more than they took. What an abundance we would all have, then. Take the time today to make giving more a part of your daily routine and see how it makes you feel.

If you’re like me, you may be reading this secret, Become Love, and thinking“ what does that mean?” It sounds impossible, if you really think about it - how can we become an emotion? To understand what becoming love means, we’ll have to first define love.

The word ‘love’ is grossly overused in our culture. We are often heard saying, “I love this chocolate cake,” and we refer to loving baseball and tell people we love the color purple. These are examples of love as an emotion. The love we’re referring to in this secret of success is more of a choice, an act, an intentional way of looking at the world and of being. In choosing to be a loving person, you will discover an important secret to living a happy and purposeful life - you will become love.

Living this secret requires that you first have the capacity to love yourself. Have you ever heard the expression “you can only give away what you already have yourself?” If you have no self love, or are limited in the ways you can truly love yourself, then you will be limited in the ways you can be loving to others. Please note: this self love is not about the narcissistic tendencies of putting yourself first in everything or spending hours praising yourself in front of the mirror (despite what our culture might model for us). It is fundamentally about making a choice to see ourselves as worthy, and is absolutely critical to being a spiritually healthy human being.

Do you believe you are a worthy person who has a healthy sense of love for yourself? Your thoughts will reveal what you really think - did you know that we have an average of 45,000-55,000 of them per day? Are yours predominantly positive or negative? Do you say, “I am a loser,” or, “I’ll do better next time,” when you fail at something? Do you tell yourself that you are fat or unattractive, or do you see your unique features as an asset? If you find that you are having a lot of negative thoughts, begin to retrain yourself by intentionally complimenting yourself as often as you can. Replace the negative with the positive. The change in your attitude and demeanor will be marked.

Secondly, becoming love is about making it a top priority to love others - even if there are things about them that aren’t perfect, or are even downright unloveable. We cannot control how others feel about us, or whether we will receive love from other people, but we can control whether to give love to the people in our lives.

Also, avoid placing too much value on things in your life, which can take your focus off of relationships. If we choose to create loving relationships with others and make time for deep connection with others, we will find happiness.

The final step to becoming love is showing love in all of our interactions - with ourselves, with those we love, and with all who we encounter. This includes the cashier at the grocery store, the drivers on the freeway, and the homeless man on the street that you pass on your way to a lunch date. Not all of the people you encounter during your day will be kind to you, but, nevertheless, becoming love means making a conscious choice to see everyone with kindness and worth, regardless of the way they treat you. When we look upon others with kindness, we are more likely to see it, and when we give love to others, we are likely to see it returned.

Take an inventory for yourself right now. Do you love yourself? Take steps to make this a reality. Do you make it a priority to show love to your family and friends? Find ways to give love to them every day. Do you show kindness to all of the people around you? Focus on the bigger picture, and begin becoming love.

Now that you’ve set some goals (see Follow Your Heart, Secrets of Success Series, Part 1), you have some focus, some direction. Now it is time to put aside fear and achieve your dreams. With no regrets. This means taking some risks.

It is often said that those who come to the end of their lives never say their biggest regret is that they didn’t spend more time at the office. Their biggest regret, instead, is saying, “I wish I had...” Take a moment to consider what you will wish you had done if you found yourself at the end of your life in ten years? Five years? Five weeks?

I had an experience just this week that illustrated this concept for me. I’d been suffering with an unusually chronic migraine headache that lasted for about 8 days. As the days wore on and the headache ceased to subside on its own, I began to entertain irrational ideas of what might be causing the pain, including the possibility of a bleed in my brain (can you say hypochondriac?).

On day 7, as I was getting ready for bed, the thought occurred to me, “what if I don’t wake up in the morning?” Immediately and completely instinctively, I wanted to wake up my two young daughters and spend that time with them, telling them how much I love them, just being with them and leaving loving memories of my last moments, should I not wake up. It didn’t matter that it was way past their bedtimes - nothing mattered except my desire to see them and let them see how much I care about them.

Now, while this was a bit over the top, the underlying fear was not irrational at all. Facing what could have been the end brought up an intense need for me to strengthen my relationships. It never crossed my mind that I should get the rest of my pending work done, or clean up the kitchen before I risked going to sleep for the last time. Obviously, I did wake up the next morning, and the headache is now gone. But the lesson is lasting, and I hope to never forget it.

Put yourself in a similar scenario. What comes to mind about how you would spend your last few hours, if you knew the end was imminent? When you live your life leaving no regrets, you will find yourself facing choices - some will be life altering, some will only affect your immediate future, but you will understand that all of them matter. Leaving no regrets means taking a risk and having faith that, if you take the chance, you can achieve your dreams, all the while realizing that there is a chance that the worst case scenario could happen instead.

We suggest you practice this process as you learn to integrate this into your daily life. First, identify the choice you’re facing - what is the best possible outcome? What is the worst, and if that occurs, can you live with it? If you can, go ahead and take the risk. The key is keeping your mind focused on the best possible outcome, not the worst. Unfortunately, we tend to do just the opposite, and that is where we get stuck. The fear can be paralyzing, and we find ourselves with regret.

Try this with the “smaller” choices in your life today. As you get better at it, employ this strategy with the larger decisions. Take some risk, believe that you will achieve your dreams, and leave no regrets!

There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those.

In this first of a five post series focused on the secrets of success we’ve blogged about before, we are going to go a little deeper, and explore the first secret, "follow your heart." What does this mean? How do we integrate this concept into our daily lives?

First, we need to listen. Really sit still and take some time to think about your unique gifts and what your deepest desires and dreams are. Do you know? If you sat down to write a list of your top five goals for your life, could you? Goal setting is critical for success, and knowing which goals you want to attain is the first step. What are the desires of your heart?

We suggest that you begin by visualizing where you’d like to be in 12 months. What would your ideal professional life look like in a year, if you could have anything you wanted? What would your income be, if you could choose it? What about your ideal personal life? What would you accomplish, if you could? Strengthen a relationship? Learn a new hobby? Find a deeper spiritual connection?

During this step, put aside your fears and doubts. Focus solely on what you want, what you dream of, what you could achieve in a perfect world. Forget about obstacles you are facing now, or anticipate facing in the future. Forget about past failures.

Once you have clarity about what it is that your heart desires, professionally, personally, financially, relationally, and spiritually, then you can begin to head in the direction of your dreams. This involves setting goals, and intentionally setting out to meet those goals. If you haven’t already, we’d encourage you to learn more about Goalbushido, and write out your goals with our help.

Goal setting is the tangible result of learning and understanding what our dreams are - an important first step in heading in the direction of following our hearts. What are you waiting for?